To lose someone or something is a common human experience we all eventually face. But there is hope. As I’ve gotten older, the frequency and intensity of loss have increased in my life. While there are many exceptions, I believe this is generally true for the human race.

Friends: Drifting Apart in a Digital Age

Old friends change or pass away, and it becomes harder to forge new, deep connections. In school and university, many of us form lifelong bonds. Yet, friends move away, and despite technology, we don’t always maintain contact. In my case, I moved to India years ago and, over time, lost touch with all but my most steadfast friends in South Africa.

As I’ve aged, I’ve started valuing friendship more as isolation and loneliness subtly creep closer. I was born before the internet and finished my studies before the dawn of social media. Like everyone, I initially thought Facebook was simply awesome, without understanding the lack of authenticity that came with it. Somewhere between the need for “likes” and the curated images of thousands of “friends” living “perfect” lives, I lost true, transparent, real relationships.

Smartphones intensified our relationship with technology and, inadvertently, loosened our bonds with people. Instead of striking up a conversation when waiting somewhere, everyone reaches for their phones. And with online payments, work-from-home models, and the ability to have almost anything delivered to your door, we rarely even need to step out in public anymore.

And now there are AI companions that are “friends” you can talk to 24/7 and who are always kind and considerate. I think we need to remember that they are not alive, that they don’t really care even if it may feel that way. I believe soon they will walk between us as humanoid robots. This has the potential to isolate us even more from real love and connection.

Personal Grief and the Inevitable Decline

I lost my dad during the COVID pandemic and couldn’t attend his funeral or visit my mother for over a year afterward. Sometimes, it still feels as if he must be somewhere, with his love for “kuier” (visiting) and coffee, or perhaps fixing someone’s car or playing golf on his computer. Yet, God’s timing was mercifully good, taking him before Alzheimer’s could destroy every last bit of him.

Beyond relational losses, I’ve experienced personal declines: my ability to see clearly without glasses, my quick recovery after a hard run, some of my zest for life, and a lot of my peace of mind. I even experienced my first panic attack not too long ago. We all must begin this decline at some point, as we won’t live forever in this earthly body and condition.

I won’t bore you further with empty-nest syndrome, imposter syndrome, andropause and menopause, midlife crises, burnout, and many other realities. The point is, there’s a very definite and pervasive reality of loss as we grow older. You may have experienced it already, and I know young people with the most heart-rending tales of loss imaginable.

The Hope That Endures: God’s Promise of Restoration

If you are someone who has experienced debilitating loss, I do have hope to offer you, as I cling to that hope myself: There will be a new beginning. The Bible’s overarching message is that God is a God of redemption, who can bring beauty from ashes and turn mourning into dancing. Loss – whether of loved ones, health, wealth, opportunities, or even a sense of self – is a part of the human experience, but it is not the end of the story in God’s plan.

So, take courage from these points:

  • God never abandons us; He draws near to the brokenhearted. (Psalm 34:18)
  • There is purpose in suffering, though it’s not always clear. It refines our character, deepens our faith, and enables us to comfort others. (James 1:2-3)
  • We have hope of a life beyond this one. (John 3:16)
  • There is a community specifically designed for deep fellowship, support, and practical help – the church. (Romans 12:4-12)

And lastly, I want to leave you with this scripture. It rings with such a hopeful message that if we truly grasp it, it will fill us to the brim with hope. This is a verse that Jesus himself later appropriates:

Isaiah 61:1-3 (NIV): “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”

The Paradox of Deliberate Loss

Many years ago, I discovered a profound truth: we shouldn’t wait for old age or circumstances to cause us to lose everything, but rather, it should be a deliberate act of losing! (Matthew 16:26) What does it profit us to gain the whole world but lose our souls? If we try to save our lives, we will lose them, but Jesus promises that if we lose our lives for Him, we will truly find them. Go and listen to my song, “I Give It All Up.” as it captures the essence of this surrender.

How do you feel about all this? Comment below to tell me your experience.